i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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