I must be too annoying 4 u.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
