You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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