Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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