There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
