so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
