how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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