Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
