Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
