I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
