help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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