I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
