I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
