my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
