Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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