life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
