In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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