mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
