Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
