You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
