Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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