I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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