Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
