If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
