so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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