Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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