Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
