I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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