is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
