i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
