I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
