this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
