Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
