.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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