After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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