Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
