guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
