when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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