The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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