I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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