i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
