I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
