why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
