Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
