Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i love accidental penises.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
