do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
