my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
