If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
