that's an acceptable place to lick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
