i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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