Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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