She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
