We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
