Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
